Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
