make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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