just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
