but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
