I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
