But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That's when you crack a 10am beer
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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