He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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