So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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