i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
