It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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