I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
