apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
