5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize