Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
