I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
