WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
