Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
