when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
