I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize