Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
