Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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