You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
