I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
