We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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