the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
