My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
