You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
