I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you never un-have a 4some
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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