Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
