god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize