guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
