My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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