Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
