so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize