wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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