how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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