Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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