yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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