Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
