get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
