I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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