who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
