I wanna bring you to show and tell
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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