I bet he comes in French.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
