When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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