If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize