im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i think i just lost a toe
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
