So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
