I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
