There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
