Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
