My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
