Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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