i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
