I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
