Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize