i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why do cheetos always look like penises
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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