That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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