we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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