Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
