have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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