Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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