I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
