He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
