I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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