I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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