she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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