you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
