She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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