i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
