I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
