did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
