Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
